Sharon Smith
Antioch New England Graduate School
"Life is what happens while you're making other plans." -- John Lennon
Last year, just weeks before my third doctoral year began, my daughter was hospitalized out of state with first-break psychosis. Thanks to new
anti-psychotics, she was quickly discharged to home--exhausted and regressed. Our
community mental health center denied services, and I faced dropping out to care for
her... until the researcher in me found stop-gaps I will describe shortly.
I have informally polled some peers for tips on surviving "outlier
moments"--experiences outside the range of expectable student stressors. First, we
sought support from friends, family, spiritual advisors, and therapists. Then we used
problem-focused coping: confronting the situation and seeking practical solutions [Lazarus
& Folkman, 1984].
Chris took a summer off to help her daughter, who had just had a baby, "over the
protest of faculty who assumed that taking any time off equated to dropping out
altogether!" Meredyth, who gave birth to a baby girl, advises "Get a LONG list
of babysitters!"
While planning her wedding, Lucy kept up with academic work: "No extensions
clouded our honeymoon!" But faculty willing to grant extensions were stress-reducers
for Karin when her father fell ill. "The challenge was to be there for him, remain
hopeful, experience my family's love... the doctorate was important but in the larger
scheme of things not such a big deal."
Strengthening links to her department was key when Julian's mother fell ill while he was ABD. "My chair was understanding about slowing the
pace on my dissertation: he is my age and has struggled with some of the same issues in
his own life. I never stopped working--on library searches, my proposal--so I would feel
as if I were making progress. He and I set mini-goals. It's easy to feel isolated and
alone after course-work and internship are over."
My daughter's negative symptoms required structured, low-key activities. I reframed the
situation to ask not "who can work with her?" but rather "what can she
DO?" She could still play piano and flute. My practicum--which I'd been postponing
day by day--was on the nursing home unit of a VA. Soon she was entertaining the vets with
music on practicum days.
Unanticipated challenges happen, and "proactive coping" (Aspinwall
&Taylor, 1997) can be vital. To prepare, be aware of potential (though unlikely)
stressors, gather information about resources ahead of time, and if an outlier event does
hit, use your clinical and research skills to appraise it, start coping, and evaluate
results. "Life" and "other plans" are two sides of the same tapestry.
References
Aspinwall, L. G., Taylor, S. E. (1997). A stitch in time: Self-regulation and proactive coping. Psychological Bulletin, 121(3), 417-436.
Lazarus, R. S. Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. New York: Springer.
This article first appeared in the Winter 2000 Edition of the APAGS Newsletter, Vol.
12(1)
