Excerpt from Chapter 11.
Why Is It So Hard to "Fit In"?

WHY DO WE JUDGE PEOPLE BASED ON THEIR LOOKS?
— Emma, age 15

Looks are the first thing we have to react to when we meet someone. As human beings, looks are one of the things we use to decide whether another person is "safe" or "dangerous." The problem is that while looks can tell us a little about a person, many people use someone's appearance alone to decide whether or not that person is "likable" or worthy of being their friend. From your question, it is clear that you are already aware that looks are a superficial and ineffective way to judge anyone. And, people who judge others solely on their appearance are often afraid to get to know a person who looks different from themselves, their family, or their friends. Sometimes, it takes real courage to work toward getting to know people who look different and who we are not comfortable with at first sight. But, if you let looks be the deciding factor, you'll lose out because you will never find out who that person really is. So while looks can give you some clues, they don't give you the answer.

back to table of contents