The APS Observer recently began an ongoing series on famous couples in psychology, with a new couple each issue describing their career and personal paths and the challenges and joys they have encountered along the way. We thought it would be interesting to produce a similar article, but one written from the graduate student perspective, not from the point-of-view of tenured faculty.

We contacted several married psychology graduate student couples to solicit their views on several topics. We gave each couple the opportunity to respond to a few questions and then to provide any additional comments or advice on the married graduate student experience. Hopefully the information below is beneficial to psychology graduate students who are married, single, or somewhere in between.

 -Tom & Jim

1. How do you feel that being married to someone also within academia has affected your graduate school experience?
   
   “I think I get a broader view of the department and the graduate school experience because I am privy to the day-to-day experiences of another graduate student in the same department but in a different program. The similarities and differences between our experiences have given me perspective on how my situation could both be better and worse.”
   
    “We feel that we are mutually supportive and helpful because we can exchange advice about our study and school lives. We realized that one plus one is more than two. We are a team, so we have power!”
   
   “I feel that it is a challenge and a blessing for us both to be academics. It is great to have someone to bounce ideas off of to see if they make sense and help refine them. It also definitely allows us to understand the complications of academic lives better so we can be very supportive. But it is also difficult because we are both so busy and often the greatest load comes at the same time, which makes it hard to get household essentials like grocery shopping or cleaning finished. So we have to be really flexible and make sacrifices such as being willing to live on fast food during the end of the semester occasionally. The greater challenge may be financially. Living on 2 stipends is not easy, especially when things like summer salary are so unpredictable. In this aspect it helps to have a great support system or be willing to take out some loans as an investment in your future.”
   
    

2. Do you think finding a suitable post-graduate school position will be more difficult given that your spouse is also within academia?
   
   “It might be difficult to find positions for both of us in academia simultaneously after graduate school. I think this is a challenge for many couples, however, regardless of whether they are both in academia.”
   
    “We are not sure whether it would be easier or harder. It is up to God, but we believe everything is possible in God.”
   
   “I think it will be extremely difficult [to find positions after grad school], especially since we are both in pretty specialized areas. So we again have to stay pretty flexible. One of us may have to go into industry. We may have to make a tough choice of whose career will come first in our first few years out or possibly live apart, which of course makes owning a home and starting a family even more difficult. It will also be difficult because we will finish around the same time, making us both in our early career modes at the same time, which makes the possibility of a long distance marriage even more difficult.”
   
    

3. What advice for other couples do you have on finding the best possible work-family balance?
   
   “I think a good way to approach the potential challenges of being part of a dual-academic couple is to be flexible and willing to compromise (this is probably true for any couple).”
   
    “We believe couple-students can effectively share their roles of family work. In our case, my wife helps with our kids’ homework and cooks. I clean house, and wash dishes. We share driving the kids.”
   
   “You have to set priorities and then still stay extremely flexible. The world will not stop turning if mowing the lawn or doing the dishes has to wait. You have to both be willing to pitch in, especially when the other is in the height of prelims or proposal times. You also have to get creative about some quality time, given extreme limits on time and money. It helps if you can multitask well. We try things like side-by-side TV/reading time. It allows us to spend time together and get work done. Things like a Target run and reading the Sunday paper take on more importance. We also carpool, so that is where we do a lot talking about our days and things we have to get done that night. I think one thing that is a challenge for us is to leave school issues at school. We often end up out at dinner talking about school issues, which takes away from the treat of going out to dinner.”
   
    

4. Any other comments on the married graduate experience are appreciated as well.
   
   “We both have a good understanding of the requirements and stressors of graduate school. This makes for a very understanding partner when it comes to work-related issues like working late and feeling a lot of stress.”
   
    “The most important thing for us everyday is to read The Bible and pray together before beginning our daily life. By doing so, we can understand and concede for each other (sometimes sacrifice). We enjoy these blessed days in which we study together.”
   
   “I think one of the keys is keeping the balance between focusing on the present and the future. You need to still have time for fun and relaxation now, while still getting the work done. You cannot always depend on it being better next semester or next year or whatever. But you can think about how one day all this hard work will pay off and both of you will graduate. If you stay too focused on the future, you will probably be really stressed about finding jobs and where you will end up and such. It has been hard for me to change my mentality about that because I have always been such a planner. But I try not to worry, and instead stay optimistic about the future.”
   
    

Suggested Reading

Park, D. C., & Nolan-Hoeksema, S. (2004). Women in academia. In J. M. Darley, M. P. Zanna, & H. L. Roediger, III (Eds.), The compleat academic: A career guide (2nd ed., pp. 311-328). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

APS Observer Series:

Robert and Elizabeth Bjork: http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2050

 Robert Plomin and Judy Dunn:

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2073

 Howard Gardner and Ellen Winner:

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2087

 Morton Gernsbacher and Hill Goldsmith:

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2106

 Jean and George Mandler:

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2120

Valerie Reyna and Charles Brainerd:

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=2130