Ask the experts: 'What's the worst advice you've ever gotten?'

Try as they might, not all advisers, mentors or supervisors give the best advice. We asked graduate students and early career psychologists to identify some of the bad advice they received and how they dealt with it. Here are some of their answers:

Tara Polson, PsyD, Savannah, Georgia

I distinctly recall while in graduate school, going to the financial aid office to renew my student loans one year and being told, "Don't worry about the amount of money you're taking out. It's all in the name of education." It was a complete minimization of the burden that student loans are on your life once you graduate and I felt like it was very irresponsible, bad advice to give to a young, hungry graduate student.

I'd advise students to do whatever they can to minimize their student loans. Whether that's living at home or with roommates, working part time or doing graduate assistantships. Student loans are no joke. When you're in school and not paying on them it's hard to understand, but once you graduate, reality hits, and it's scary how much of a burden the loans become on your life and that of your spouse and family. So, just be careful and only take out what you truly need.

Alyssa Gilston, PsyD, Bridgewater, New Jersey

I worked at a practicum site for a few months after I had my first baby. I was clearly having a difficult time separating from my baby and she was breastfeeding and would not take a bottle. My supervisor told me that I needed to wean my baby as I could not function the way that I was going. She reminded me that I needed to complete these hours to stay on track and have my practicum hours count toward my degree.

I remember just crying and feeling completely cornered. My supervisor was a licensed psychologist and should have known better — much better. I did not have the capacity at that time to challenge her and to this day, I wish that I did.

Michelle Stein, PhD, Tallahassee, Florida

I was completing practicum on an acute inpatient ward and my supervisor gave me bad advice for how to deal with the patients' inappropriate sexual advances. She told me to wear a fake wedding ring and tell patients I was married if they made an inappropriate query or comment. This is poor advice and I recognized it as such. Using her strategy would have done a disservice to the patient and our therapeutic relationship and it made me feel uncomfortable to lie and to avoid the actual issue.

I don't think I told her this at the time (I believe I just ignored the advice) but I should have. The appropriate response is to be direct and honest and say something like "Those types of comments/questions are inappropriate in this situation. My only role is as your psychologist." Training should emphasize honest communication with patients, firm boundaries and comfort level for the trainee. As the clinician in an inpatient setting it is important to model appropriate behavior, correct inappropriate behavior and enforce boundaries.

Tamara Batiste-Locke, PhD, Hyde Park, New York

While pursuing my first master's degree in a tiny little concentration of the educational psychology department at my school, the adviser for the program passed away. No other faculty or adviser stepped in to oversee the concentration. Instead, the small group of students were "advised" by the administrative staff who simply approved the classes we chose each semester. Once I graduated, the concentration was discontinued. In the end, I graduated feeling completely unprepared to work in the field and instead opted to enroll in another master's program to get the training and guidance I felt I didn't get before. Talk about student loan debt!

Lindsey R. Buckman, PsyD, Phoenix

My predoctoral internship was at a university counseling center, and as I began to look for postdoc positions and other jobs, my training director and the director of the counseling center had some interesting advice for me. I was told that I needed to "act more gay." I was told that the way I expressed my identity was too subtle and made some of my colleagues uncomfortable because they could not tell if I was gay or not. They closed the discussion by saying that my sexual orientation is my area of diversity and that I really need to emphasize it more in order to secure employment.

I'm not entirely certain how to "act more gay," but I do know that the conversations they had with me were extremely inappropriate and not professionally based. If my colleagues were having difficulty navigating their feelings about the nature of my sexual orientation, that conversation should have been focused on them and certainly not on me.

Anonymous student^*

I have received a few pieces of bad advice from advisers and faculty as a school psychology PhD student:

What I was told: "When you hear racist or homophobic remarks, try practicing mindfulness so they don't bother you so much. The sooner you can master this, the better life will be for you."

What I did: Requested a change of fieldwork site placement, but was denied. I then decided not to bring up any concerns about racism or homophobia to my faculty and instead have reached out to APA members or sought support from other ethnic and sexual minority students in my program.

What I was told: "You need to make tough decisions if you want to pass your qualifying exams. You probably shouldn't see your family for Thanksgiving so you can study/write more."

What I did: Visited my family and worked on my papers while with family.

What I was told: When asking for supervision support about what sex norming group to use when assessing a transgender student: "This is one of those situations where you need to use your problem-solving skills and tolerance for ambiguity to come up with a solution. The more you can figure this out on your own, the more you will be prepared to do so once you are out in the field."

What I did: Did a lit search to see if there was a precedent for assessing transgender youth. When I could find none, I consulted LGBTQ-focused faculty outside my department and school psychologists in the field.

I learned not to seek support or supervision from my faculty around diversity or personal issues and instead sought mentors through APA or sought support from like-minded peers in the program. I have become more involved in APA divisions and committees that address the various diversity issues that I have encountered. I have also identified practitioners throughout my practica experiences that I can later consult and from whom I can receive more culturally competent supervision.

*This student is still enrolled in the program and wishes to stay anonymous.