It must start with me

By Jim Hurst, PhD
University of Wyoming

Jim Hurst, PhD, vice president of student affairs at the University of Wyoming (UW), expressed these thoughts at an Oct. 12 campus-wide vigil in memory of Matthew Shepard, who died after being savagely beaten in an apparent antigay attack.

Friday was a long day. We have had a lot of long days since last Thursday. I found myself extraordinarily irritable when I finally got home. It took Joan, my spouse, to finally help me get in touch with what was happening inside of me when she asked me what in the world was wrong with me. It took her loving confrontation that finally unlocked from deep within my soul the depth of pain and hurt that I had been carrying with me from the time I had learned of the tragic attack on Matthew Shepard. And yes, anger. I don?t very often find myself filled with rage, but this time I was.

The word 'anguish,' took on a new dimension for me.

For you see, Matthew was one of my students. Although I had never had him in class, had never supervised him directly, he was indeed one of my students. Matthew was indeed one of our students. Faculty, staff and all UW students?Matthew was one of us. His loss leaves me feeling personally diminished and in fact, his loss leaves us all just a bit diminished.

Eighteen years ago after my job interview on campus here at UW, I returned to my then current office at the University of Texas and described to several close colleagues my trip to Laramie and specifically, my interactions with the UW students I found there.

There were a few moments of silence and one of them said, 'You really liked those University of Wyoming students, didn?t you?' I replied, ' Yes, I really like them.' 'You?re going to Wyoming, aren?t you?' 'Yes, I?m going to Wyoming!'

Matthew was the kind of UW student that I came here to be with. Open, caring, unpretentious, vibrant. And, Matthew was gay. He represented a kind of diversity here in our community that is so essential if we are to learn from each other lessons of love, nurturance, devotion, acceptance and celebration of diversity.

We can?t hope to provide a complete and comprehensive educational experience without the Matthew Shephards of this world. We need him as he needed us to become whole.

I have over the past few days in my quiet moments, in my personal sanctuaries, simply wept.

I know I was not alone in my grief and hurt. I know that there were those of you in your own place and at your own time, weeping with me. I saw your tears so often Saturday morning as we walked the parade route.

And I felt at one with you.

The one solace I take in all of this is that I find welling up within me a remarkably deep and abiding promise, a commitment, a covenant with myself and with you?that I personally will never be a party to any abusive or harmful conduct, either directly or indirectly, either verbally or behaviorally, to any individual or group.

My covenant goes beyond that, to include finding within me the power of love and nurturance for those about me?especially those who are different from me, different in sexual orientation, gender, ethnicity or belief.

It must start with me, and I am the one to make that happen.

The second part of my covenant is to use all my personal talent and resources in working to ensure that our children learn and that we teach each other fundamental lessons of caring and devotion and commitment to each other?s welfare.

And so, while I am living with a kind of hurt and grief that I don?t often feel, I am finding an empowerment that on my part alone may be puny, but when joined with yours will have us walking a constructive path of healing and community dedicated to the nourishment of each other.

Please, let?s all join together to make it happen.