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Lesbian & Gay Parenting
Diversity Among Lesbian Mothers,
Gay Fathers, & Their Children
 By Charlotte J. Patterson, PhD
Despite the tremendous diversity evident within lesbian and gay communities, research on differences among lesbian and gay families with children is sparse. One important kind of heterogeneity involves the circumstances of children's birth or adoption. Some men and women have had children in the context of a heterosexual relationship that split up after one or both parents assumed lesbian or gay identities. Much of the existing research on lesbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was initiated to address concerns that arose for such families in the context of child custody disputes, and was apparently designed at least in part to examine the veracity of common stereotypes that have been voiced in legal proceedings. A growing number of men and women have also had children after assuming lesbian or gay identities. Recently, research has begun to address issues relevant to families of this type (Brewaeys et al., 1997; Chan et al., 1998a, 1998b; Flaks et al., 1995; Gartrell et al., 1996, 1999, 2000; Golombok et al., 1997; Johnson & O'Connor, 2002; McCandlish, 1987; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 1992, 1994a, 1995a, 1995b, 1998, 2001; Patterson et al., 1998; Steckel, 1987; Tasker, 1999). Parents and children in these two kinds of families are likely to have experiences that differ in many respects (Wright, 1998).
In this section, research findings are described on the impact of parental psychological and relationship status and on the influence of other stresses and supports. One area of diversity among lesbian and gay parented families concerns whether or not the custodial parent is involved in a couple relationship, and if so, what implications this relationship may have for children. Pagelow (1980), Kirkpatrick et al. (1981), and Golombok et al. (1983) all reported that divorced lesbian mothers were more likely than divorced heterosexual mothers to be living with a romantic partner. However, none of these investigators examined associations between this variable and children's adjustment or development. In studies that have compared adjustment of mothers and children in single- versus two-parent lesbian parent families (e.g., Brewaeys et al., 1997; Chan et al., 1998b), no clear differences have emerged. Return to top
Huggins (1989) reported that self-esteem among daughters of lesbian mothers whose lesbian partners lived with them was higher than that among daughters of lesbian mothers who did not live with a partner. Because of the small sample size and the absence of statistical tests, this finding should be seen as suggestive rather than conclusive. Kirkpatrick has also stated her impression that "contrary to the fears expressed in court, children in households that included the mother's lesbian lover had a richer, more open and stable family life" than did those in single-parent lesbian mother households (Kirkpatrick, 1987, p. 204). On the other hand, self-concept did not vary as a function of family type in another study (Patterson, 1994a), though the failure to find differences in this case may have been due to lack of statistical power, as the number of single-parent families in this sample was small.
Issues related to division of family and household labor have also been studied. In families headed by lesbian couples, Patterson (1995a) found that biological and nonbiological mothers did not differ in their reported involvement in household and family decision-making tasks, but biological mothers reported spending more time in child care, and nonbiological mothers reported spending more time in paid employment. In families where mothers reported sharing child care duties relatively evenly, parents were more satisfied and children were better adjusted. Thus, equal sharing of child care duties was associated with more advantageous outcomes both for parents and for children in this study. In more recent studies, however, differences between biological and nonbiological mothers have not always been significant, and the associations between parental division of labor and child adjustment have not always been replicated (see, for example, Chan et al., 1998a; Johnson & O'Connor, 2002).
Another aspect of diversity among lesbian and gay parented families relates to the psychological status and well-being of the parent. Research on parent-child relations in heterosexual parent families has consistently revealed that children's adjustment is often related to indices of maternal mental health. Thus, one might expect factors that enhance mental health among lesbian mothers or gay fathers also to benefit their children. Lott-Whitehead and Tully (1993) reported considerable variability in the amounts of stress described by lesbian mothers, but did not describe sources of stress nor their relations to child adjustment. Rand, Graham, and Rawlings (1982) found that lesbian mothers' sense of psychological well-being was associated with their degree of openness about their lesbian identity with employers, ex-husbands, and children. Mothers who felt more able to disclose their lesbian identity were more likely to express a positive sense of well-being. Unfortunately, no information about the relations of these findings to adjustment among children of these women was reported. Return to top
More recently, Patterson (2001) reported that maternal mental health was strongly associated with adjustment among young children born to, or adopted early in life, by lesbian mothers. In general, mothers who reported few psychological symptoms also described their children as better adjusted. The mothers in this sample reported being relatively open about their lesbian identities, and most were in good mental health. The sample was thus skewed toward the healthy end of the distribution. In light of the moderate sample size (66 mothers) and restricted range, it is especially noteworthy that associations between maternal mental health and children's adjustment emerged so clearly.
Like other children and youth, those with lesbian mothers who enjoy warm and caring family relationships are likely to fare better. Chan and his colleagues (1998b) reported that children had fewer behavior problems when parents were experiencing less stress, having fewer interparental conflicts, and feeling greater love for one another. This was true both for children of lesbian and for those of heterosexual parents in their sample. In a similar vein, Wainright and her colleagues (2004) reported that, when parents rated the quality of their relationships with adolescents higher, youth were less likely to report depressive symptoms, and were also less likely to have trouble at school; again, this was true both of adolescents with same-sex and of those with opposite-sex parents.
Another area of great diversity among families with a lesbian or gay parent concerns the degree to which a parent's lesbian or gay identity is accepted by other significant people in a child's life. Huggins (1989) found a tendency for children whose fathers were rejecting of maternal lesbian identities to report lower self-esteem than those whose fathers were neutral or positive. Because of the small sample size and absence of significance tests, this finding should be regarded as suggestive rather than definitive. However, Huggins' (1989) finding does raise questions about the extent to which reactions of important adults in a child's environment can influence responses to discovery of a parent's lesbian or gay identity.
Gershon, Tschann, & Jemerin (1999) studied the relations among perception of stigma, self-esteem, and coping skills among adolescent offspring of lesbian mothers. They conducted interviews with 76 adolescents, aged 11-18 years, and examined the impact of societal factors on self-esteem. The participants had either been born to women who identified as lesbians (n = 25) or had been born in the context of their mother's earlier heterosexual marriage (n = 51). Gershon and her colleagues found that adolescents who perceived more stigmas related to having a lesbian mother had lower self-esteem in five of seven areas, including social acceptance, self-worth, behavioral conduct, physical appearance, and close friendship. They hypothesized that the presence of various types of coping skills would moderate this relationship between perceived stigma and self-esteem. However, their results showed that only good decision making had a moderating effect: In the face of high perceived stigma, adolescents possessing better decision-making skills had higher self-esteem in the area of behavioral conduct. Return to top
In a study of children born to lesbian mothers, Gartrell and her colleagues (2005) reported that 10-year-olds who encountered anti-gay sentiments among their peers were likely to report having felt angry, upset, or sad about these experiences. The children who reported such experiences were somewhat more likely to be described by their mothers as having behavior problems (Gartrell et al., 2005). This latter finding suggests the possibility that children of lesbian and gay parents may fare better in supportive environments. In view of the small effect size and absence of data from sources outside the family, however, this result should probably be viewed as suggestive rather than definitive at this time.
Effects of the age at which children learn of parental homosexuality have also been a topic of study. Paul (1986) reported that offspring who were told of parental lesbian, gay, or bisexual identity either in childhood or in late adolescence found the news easier to cope with than those who first learned of it during early to middle adolescence. Huggins (1989) also reported that those who learned of maternal lesbianism in childhood had higher self-esteem than did those who were not informed of it until they were adolescents. Because young adolescents are often preoccupied with their own emerging sexuality, it is widely agreed that early adolescence is a particularly difficult time for youth to learn that a mother is lesbian or a father is gay (Bozett, 1980; Pennington, 1987; Schulenberg, 1985).
Some investigators have also raised questions about the potential role of peer support in helping children to cope with issues raised by having a lesbian or gay parent. Lewis (1980) was the first to suggest that children's silence on the topic of parental sexual orientation with peers and siblings might add to their feelings of isolation from other children. All of the 11 adolescents studied by O'Connell (1993) reported exercising selectivity about when they disclosed information about their mothers' lesbian identities. Paul (1986) found that 29% of his young adult respondents had never known anyone else with a lesbian, gay, or bisexual parent, suggesting that feelings of isolation are very real for some young people. Barrett and Tasker (2001) reported that most of the adolescents with gay fathers in their study were not open with heterosexual friends about their fathers' sexual orientation. On the other hand, Gartrell and her colleagues (2005) reported that most of the 10-year-olds with lesbian mothers whom they interviewed were open with peers about their families. It is possible that, over the last several years, and in some environments, it has become easier for children to feel comfortable disclosing that they have nonheterosexual parents. Lewis (1980) suggested that children would benefit from support groups consisting of children of lesbian or gay parents, and young people interviewed by O'Connell (1993) agreed. Such groups exist, but systematic evaluations of them have not been reported.
In summary, research on diversity among families with lesbian and gay parents and on the potential effects of such diversity on children is still sparse (Martin, 1993, 1998; Patterson, 1995b, 2000, 2001, 2004; Perrin, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999). Data on children of parents who identify as bisexual are still not available, and information about children of non-White lesbian or gay parents is hard to find (but see Wainright et al., 2004, for a racially diverse sample). Existing data on children of lesbian mothers, however, suggest that children fare better when mothers are in good psychological health and living happily with a lesbian partner with whom they share child care. Children may find it easier to deal with issues raised by having lesbian and/or gay parents if they learn of parental sexual orientation during childhood rather than during the early years of adolescence. Existing data also suggest the value of a supportive milieu, in which parental sexual orientation is accepted by other significant adults and in which children have contact with peers in similar circumstances. However, the existing data are still limited, and any conclusions must be seen as tentative. It is clear that existing research provides no basis for believing that children's best interests are served by family conflict or secrecy about a parent's lesbian or gay identity, or by requirements that a lesbian or gay parent maintain a household separate from that of a same-sex partner.
Photos used in Lesbian and Gay Parenting are courtesy of Family Diversity Projects © Gigi Kaeser from the traveling photo-text exhibit and book, LOVE MAKES A FAMILY: Portraits of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender People and Their Families.
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