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The tragic explosion in Oklahoma City is affecting all of us. Particularly since children were killed and injured in the blast, children, even if they don't talk about it, can be suffering.

The American Psychological Association has put together these guidelines to help you give your children the support and reassurance they need to get through this difficult period safely.

If you want or need to contact a mental health professional, you can contact your state or provincial psychological association for a referral.

How Do I Know if My Children Need Help?

• nightmares

• drops in their grades

• increased aggression

• bedwetting

• extremely 'hyper' behavior

• withdrawing from family and friends

• eating or sleeping disorders

Other Signs May Be More Subtle:

• children may become quiet, withdrawn, perhaps reading a lot more than usual

• if teenagers, they may not be going out with their friends the way they used to.

Note: These signs are easier to overlook, since the behavior may actually look desirable to parents.

Some signs will depend on age:

• Under 5: Some won't show as much distress, since they don't really understand what happened.

• 6-12: very literal fears, for example, that a terrorist is hiding in a closet. Try a magical 'banishing ritual,' as you would for ghosts or monsters.

• Adolescents: have a better grasp of the complex issues, but they tend to exaggerate their fears, and to let one specific fear dominate their thinking. Reassuring discussion is what's needed.

ALSO: remember that your child's anxiety may be related to something other than the explosion. So ask!

If your child won't talk, ask 'what do you THINK?' rather than 'what do you FEEL?' Children sometimes find it easier to respond to a question about their thoughts.

If Your Child's Reaction Seems Extreme

Contact a mental health professional to determine whether he or she might need more intervention.

Warning signs of severe distress:

• frequent (not just one or two) bad nightmares

• extreme aggressiveness

• complete withdrawal

• 'war games' become only form of play

• anything that seems to be interfering with his or her normal daily activities.

What Can I Do To Help My Kids?

• Younger children (age 5 or so) may not have a lot to say.

• age 6-9: might be ready to share some theories.

• age 10 and up: more talkative.

• Teenagers: especially talkative. Listen carefully. Don't try to 'talk sense' to your teens: they're sharing their ideas, so treat them with respect.

BE PATIENT. If one of the child's parents is away, the child will often direct the anger she or he feels toward the missing parent at you.

You must be especially patient during this time; try to remain calm and understanding -- and keep talking.

Stick to your normal routines as much as is possible.

Monitor TV Viewing

• Help your kids sort out 'real news' from sensationalism. Both parents and children should develop a balanced view of what they see on the news.

• Whether at the TV or dinner table, your family should discuss the situation every day.

• If your children want to change the subject or the channel, respect that wish.

Don't let newswatching take precedence over watching your children's or your favorite TV programs.

Give Children a Channel for Their Anxiety

• Encourage children to draw what they are afraid of, but also encourage them to draw the good things -- firefighters and rescue workers coming to help, volunteers offering their services, etc.

• Suggest ways the child can help -- perhaps contributing some money from their allowance to the Red Cross or foregoing a family outing to the movies and sending what that would have cost to relief efforts.

• They could write a letter -- to their congressional representative, to survivors of the blast, or to rescue workers.

Don't Overlook the Positive Events

• Point out that while many people were hurt in Oklahoma City, many others were not and many of those who were injured have gotten better.

• Look for stories of heroism and bravery in the face of disaster and point those out to your child.

• Show the child how the disaster brought out the best in people from all over the world who want to help.

Make a Plan

Give your child a wallet containing important names and phone numbers and suggest that he or she carry it in their purse or bookbag all the time.

Teach About Conflict Resolution

• Discuss the use of violence as a way of settling differences

• Don't get bogged down in political details

Do Your Best to Stay Calm Yourself

Children know when you're worried or anxious. The more distressed you are the more distressed your child will become, so try to keep your own anxieties under control.

If your child asks if you are scared, it's all right to say yes, but stress that you know things like this are very, very rare and very unlikely to happen here.

Make Your Child Feel Protected

• Children of all ages are most concerned about their own personal safety when traumatic events occur. Let children know that these things are very rare and are very unlikely to happen here.

• Always reaffirm that you, and whoever else is at home, are doing everything possible to ensure your child's safety. Don't tell your child that nothing bad will happen, but do stress that you are doing everything you can to provide safety and protection.

• Assure your child that even if something bad should happen, he or she would always be taken care of.

• If your child is afraid to go out somewhere because of terrorism, you can respond one of two ways:

  'We think it'll be all right...we're taking every possible precaution to keep us all safe,' or

  'All right, if you're very worried, we won't go today.'

• For a child whose parent is overseas: don't say that 'nothing' is going to happen. This child needs firm reassurance: 'Whatever happens, there will always be someone here to take care of you.'

SUMMING UP

Look for signs of distress, especially if they're severe enough to interfere with the child's life.

• LET THEM WATCH TELEVISION, but make sure you're around to help them make sense of what they're seeing.

• REASSURE your child continually but don't give false assurances with words like 'never.'

• TALK about their feelings and ideas, about aggression and prejudice, about what you're doing to ensure your family's safety.

• CONTACT a mental health professional for advice if your child seems overly anxious.

You may duplicate this factsheet as often as you wish, free and without permission, as long as no changes are made and credit is given to the American Psychological Association.

The American Psychological Association (APA), in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 155,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 50 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 58 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting human welfare.