Staying Connected: A Guide for Parents on Raising an Adolescent Daughter

Introduction

As a group, adolescents today typically enter puberty earlier, lead a more pampered life, and are exposed to more overt violence and sex in the media than any generation before them. Yet, most adolescent girls are not as mature as one would think. Their emotional development does not always keep pace with their physical growth and the quickly changing world around them. In addition, they remain in school longer (more than two-thirds go on to college), so have less experience with adult responsibilities than the girls who came before.

Not everything has changed, however. Adolescent girls still tend to challenge authority, dress like clones, and compare themselves incessantly with their peers. They also are lively, creative, caring, and intensely secretive. And they still need guidance and support from their parents. Grandparents, extended families, and mentors are also important to an adolescent girl, serving as a support system and sometimes substituting for a missing parent. As always, love and understanding remain essential.

Keeping the communication lines open can help your daughter be more candid with you about what she is doing and feeling. You may find she confides in you more easily when you are engaged in some activity together, such as preparing dinner or driving somewhere. It doesn't matter what you talk about. It’s the talking together that counts. Furthermore, your parenting style will have to adapt as your daughter learns to make decisions on her own and grows more independent. What worked with her as a 12-year-old will not be effective when she is 16. So it’s not just your daughter who will be changing.

The great majority of children come through adolescence without significant turmoil—the kind that can leave long-lasting scars.

Through it all, your daughter’s life experiences and her inborn temperament—in other words, her personality—play a great part. There are children, for example, who can’t help but strive to accomplish; others are more laid back about getting from here to there. Some are shy. Some are impulsive. Take your child’s personality into account. The last thing a tightly wired child needs, for example, is chaotic surroundings. An artistic child flourishes when allowed to think outside the box.

If you are not now actively engaged with your daughter, remember: It’s never too late to start. This booklet provides some information based on the latest research on how adolescent girls grow, plus some tips on helping them grow up to be healthy, resilient women.

Recommendations for additional reading appear at the end.

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