Staying Connected: A Guide for Parents on Raising an Adolescent Daughter

Mood Swings

Most adolescents swing between happy and sad from one day to the next, or even within a few hours. Among the triggers are the dramatic changes they see in their physical selves and the new relationships they are forming. Changes in hormones, sometimes extreme, also play a significant role in how she feels.

In addition, adolescents have not yet developed a perspective on how their experiences fit into the greater scheme of things. The adolescent girl may feel that life couldn’t be better when she scores high on an exam, or that it couldn’t be worse when she doesn’t make the team. Her responses make great sense to her, although they may seem overly dramatic to you. Being snubbed by a friend, for example, can be just as calamitous to her as your learning you are losing your job.

Sometimes a girl’s low mood will make it difficult for her to carry on with her normal activities and relationships. If it lasts more than two weeks, she may be suffering from depression and not the blues. Depression is a physical illness in which some of the chemicals transmitted from one neuron to another become unbalanced. A predisposition to depression, sometimes genetically based, seems to play a part in the illness, as do negative events or prolonged stress. In extreme cases, depression can lead to suicide.

Stress can also have an effect on a teenager's life. The intense focus on tests today is increasing stress levels in many students, but just about anything can act as a stressor. Switching to a new school or dealing with a prolonged illness in the family are stressful situations. Stress can occur even when all appears to be going well. A girl can get tired from constant efforts to keep up in school or with her friends.

How Can You Help By listening to your daughter, you can share in her joys. If she is anxious or sad, help her identify her problems clearly and with some perspective. Stay calm. Let her know that frequent ups and downs are normal during adolescence, and that stress is part of life. Help her adjust her expectations of life, of herself, and of you. If appropriate, suggest she develop a realistic problem-solving plan for whatever may be troubling her. Parents also get stressed. Children, relatives, and jobs make demands on your time and strength, and you will need time out for yourself. Parents who work outside the home can come home still caught up in their other world. The children need your attention, but try to take a few minutes for yourself before shifting back into your parental role. If you think your daughter may be depressed, have her evaluated by a mental health professional. Depression is a very treatable illness, usually with psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of the two. Starting early has long-term benefits. The same mechanism that can turn on stress also turns it off. Learning practical coping skills or developing a relaxation response are among the stress-management techniques teenagers can draw on to help short-cut anxiety. A consultation with a mental health professional is wise if your daughter appears to be overanxious or otherwise not handling stress well. Don't wait until your daughter is troubled to reach out to her. Throughout her life, use every available opportunity to help her develop her inner resources so that she can fall back on her own strengths when life seems to go awry. Supportive personal relationships and healthy coping skills will also help her come through the hard times.

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