Staying Connected: A Guide for Parents on Raising an Adolescent Daughter

"She is always trying to please her new best friend."

Peer Groups

As adolescents pull away from their parents, their friendships become a safe haven. Before long, girls tend to join others with whom they think they have much in common. They not only dress alike; they also behave alike and form clubs, or cliques, some with secret codes or rituals.

A need to be liked is paramount, and a peer group has much influence on the adolescent girl’s response to the issues of teen life. The right friendships can minimize a girl’s vulnerability to the temptations she must deal with, especially if her relationship with the group is long term. Youth, church, or other organized groups can offer additional support, especially to shy girls or those with disabilities, who may need extra assistance in meeting and getting together with others.

Part of growing up is choosing one’s own friends. The more you try to choose them for your daughter or voice your disapproval of the friendships she has made, the more she may rebel.

Although some teens use the computer to stay in constant contact with friends, overuse of the computer poses an obstacle to developing peer relationships. Just as with TV, children who prefer to stay at home in front of a monitor rather than spend time with friends can become isolated from the mainstream, with a concomitant slowdown in developing socialization and communication skills.

How Can You Help

If you don't like her friends, invite them over and get to know them. You may discover they are perfectly acceptable even if they don't fit your criteria to a T.

If you think her friends may lead your daughter into danger, voice your concerns about her safety firmly and clearly so you can protect her as best you can. Forbidding her to see them probably won't work.

Many parents are locating the computer in a general area of the house rather than in a child's room so that they can oversee its use and look over a child's shoulder once in a while.

Suggest a specific "contract" with your daughter about her computer use. She must agree not to give out personal information while online and decline to meet anyone she's met online without your approval.

Numerous types of software are available to limit the time the computer can be used or the Internet sites that can be visited, including chat rooms. Despite all the attention in the media, only a minute number of girls are lured away from home by men they meet in chat rooms. Nevertheless, you must warn your daughter of the consequences just in case she is tempted, if not in your own home, then by someone else's computer.

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