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Staying Connected: A Guide for Parents on Raising an Adolescent Daughter

"She's dealing with issues I never had."

Violence

Verbal aggression such as bullying, teasing, shunning, and backbiting is increasing among girls. Overt violence remains mainly a male thing, but an adolescent girl might accept violent behavior because of low self-esteem or because she believes she deserves it. If she has been a victim of violence herself or observed it at home, she may think that getting beaten up is a way of life.

Another kind of violence aimed at women is date rape. Again, young girls exposed early to abuse are especially at risk, as are those with low self-esteem and poor communication skills. An overpossessive or controlling boyfriend are signs that often precede physical abuse.

Compounding these factors are alcohol or drugs, including Rohypnol, or “roofies,” tablets that, when slipped into a girl’s drink, render her unconscious or semiconscious and susceptible to attack. The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that adolescents have the nation’s highest rate of rape, with one in five high school girls sexually abused by her date in 1999.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the latest government data suggest that a disturbing number of adolescent boys “have adopted attitudes that men are entitled to their girlfriends through violence.”

How Can You Help

  • Meet your daughter's friends and help her make good judgments about peers, especially boys.

  • Discuss good relationships before she gets involved with boys so that your comments are not directed against a specific person. Help her understand that she must be adamant about any unwanted advances.

  • An open dialogue with your daughter can help you find out if she is in a healthy relationship or if you have to alert her to danger.

  • Be sure she has cab fare and can call home if she's in trouble.

If date rape does occur, make sure she realizes it is NOT her fault. She should know to immediately contact the local rape crisis center. The telephone number is usually located in the front of the Yellow Pages on the Community Services Page under the heading "Crisis Assistance." The Rape, Abuse, and Assistance National Network (RAINN) also offers a toll-free hotline (1-800-656-HOPE) that routes callers to the nearest counseling center.

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