Why is it that the relationships we care about most — those with our intimate partners — often seem doomed to fail? Why do we feel compelled to punish those closest to us who love and appreciate our real qualities?
In Fear of Intimacy, the authors bring almost 40 years of clinical experience to bear in challenging the usual ways of thinking about couples and families. They argue that relationships fail not for the commonly cited reasons, but because psychological defenses formed in childhood act as a barrier to closeness in adulthood. A wide range of cross-generational case studies and powerful personal accounts illustrate how the "fantasy bond," a once-useful but now destructive form of self-parenting, jeopardizes meaningful attachments.
Written in clear, jargon-free language, Fear of Intimacy shows how therapists can help couples identify and overcome the messages of the internal "voice" that fosters distortions of the self and loved ones. Related issues such as interpersonal ethics and the role of stereotyping are also discussed. The authors' innovative approach will be of interest to therapists and couples alike.
- The Challenge of Intimate Relationships
- Why Relationships Fail
- An Ethical Perspective: Human Rights Issue in Personal Relationships
- The Ideal Couple Relationship
- Characteristics of the Ideal Family
II. Psychodynamics of Relationships
- Inwardness: Self-Protective Patterns That Restrict Emotional Transactions Between Partners
- Remedial Procedures: Experiences That Affect Inward Patterns in the Couple and Family
- The Fantasy Bond in Couple Relationships
- Withholding in Couple and Family Relationships
III. Countering the Inner Voice: Methods and Theory
- Voices Affecting Intimacy
- The Therapeutic Process in Couples Therapy
- A Pilot Study Applying Voice Therapy With Four Couples: Clinical Material From a Series of Specialized Group Discussions
- Transference, the Therapeutic Alliance, and Love
About the Authors
—Sacramento News and Review, August 26, 1999