In Wyoming, an angry group of shoppers
chased a woman and her children from a Wal-Mart, apparently because the woman
and children were Muslim. In New York, a young Manhattan couple yelled insults
at a Lebanese-American who was searching for survivors from the arts center he
had run at the World Trade Center. A mosque in Denton, Texas was firebombed.
Why have these and other similar expressions of hostility toward people of
Middle Eastern heritage already occurred across the US following the September
11 terrorist attack? Surely we know that all Arabs or all Muslims are no more
responsible for the horrific tragedy than are all Irish or all Christians
responsible for terrorism in northern Ireland. Surely we do not want to repeat
acts reminiscent of our own history of severely mistreating innocent Japanese
Americans during WW II. Surely we don't want to engage in the same sort of
racism and hatred of innocent people that we find so abhorrent in other lands.
If we know all this, why are we displaying hostility toward innocent people?
As a research psychologist, I struggle to understand these reactions. Part of
the answer may reside in the way we cope with strong emotions. In the wake of
the Sept 11 tragedy, emotions of fear, sadness, and anger are to be expected.
However, it is important to know that anger, for many, is an "easier" emotional
state than is grief or fear. While there is much to be angry about, there is
also much to grieve and much understandable fear. One way we often cope with
sadness or fear is by focusing our attention on our anger. Particularly when the
fear is high, anger may be a way to feel safer and in control. In other words,
anger can be used to mask emotions of sadness and fear.
While anger can be an appropriate response to threat or injustice, hiding behind
anger for a prolonged period can be harmful -- both to the person hiding behind
the anger, and to those around that person. Underlying feelings of grief and
fear may fester. Strong emotion that is not addressed can harm the body and mind
in all sorts of ways. In contrast, much research shows that acknowledging grief
and fear through self reflection, writing, and social communication is healthy
for the individual doing the acknowledging.
Equally important, hiding behind anger can cause us to harm others. We may seize
on convenient targets to vent the anger. We may feel hatred and we may behave
with prejudice. Even if we don't act out our anger, we may be unavailable
emotionally to other people if we are denying our own fear and grief.
Research in psychology provides some insight into the relationship between fear,
anger, and hatred. Most animals naturally respond to threat with either flight
or fight. When flight is not an option we are likely, at a very basic
psychological and physiological level, to feel the need to fight. Anger and
hatred of the enemy is one way our minds might try to help our bodies prepare
for a frightening survival situation. The problem is that this basic
psychological response evolved for one-on-one threat situations, but the
response is often poorly suited to our complex modern world. Anger in this
context is likely to fuel an "us/them" mentality because in a fight situation we
need an enemy to hate. Especially when we haven't fully examined the range of
our own emotions, we are likely to identify an "enemy" prematurely, and to
categorize some people as the "enemy" so that we can have a target for our
anger.
While this response of anger and hatred is understandable, it is likely to cause
all sorts of additional harm if left unchecked. Fortunately, human beings are
not restricted to basic physiological reactions to threat. As mature
individuals, and particularly as a community, we can work together to respond to
our current situation constructively. A first step for many of us is to
acknowledge the complexity and range of our emotional responses.
It is also fortunate that humans, as social creatures, do have a constructive
alternative to the fight-flight reaction to threat. This social reaction to
threat has recently been termed: "tend-and-befriend." Acts of caring and
compassion and unity can help us. Psychologists studying tend-and-befriend
responses have suggested that there is a physiological basis for this response
as well. It is clearly better suited for many threat situations. The current
terrorist attack is a great example of where tend-and-befriend will likely help
us while fight-or-flight will likely lead us to further harm.
It is important for people's own well being, as well as the safety of those
around them, to take care to avoid hiding behind anger. How to do this? Reflect,
write, talk. Most people will have real and legitimate anger in response to the
events of Sept. 11, but in addition to the anger, other feelings are extremely
important to acknowledge.
In this particular case, there is a very specific way we can proceed
constructively: In addition to offering help to victims of the Sept. 11 tragedy,
also acknowledge the risk that in our anger we may lash out at innocent targets,
such as "all Arabs" or "all Muslims." Then reach out to an Arab or Muslim friend
or acquaintance, express concern and willingness to help, and encourage him or
her to talk about this tragedy; you'll probably find yourself listening to a
somewhat different perspective from yours. Take the step now to offer comfort to
innocent people who are most likely to be hurt as we go forward. Doing this will
help you, too. It's not just for your Arab or Muslim friend. It will help you
understand your own feelings of anger, fear, and sadness. It will help you be
part of a larger community. Tend-and-befriend for your own well being.•
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