Julie,* a third-year psychology graduate student, was taken aback when a junior faculty member teaching one of her classes started objecting to her asking "too many" questions in class.
The faculty member told Julie that posing so many questions was disrespectful and threatened to speak to her advisor about it.
In response, Julie started withholding comments and asking questions more deferentially. When the faculty member continued to criticize her style, Julie consulted her advisor, who encouraged her to discuss the issue in person with the faculty member. Their meeting did not go well. Julie left without any further clarification and a blunt message to stop speaking in class.
The interaction reduced her to tears, and she started dreading the seminar every week. The intense negativity made it difficult for her to concentrate on other coursework, especially as she faced the daunting reality that the faculty member had the power to influence her ability to pass her comprehensive exam and graduate.
Julie's story highlights the dilemma of the power differential between graduate students and their superiors. Like others in similar positions, she had to make a decision: Should she continue to tolerate the situation or take action?
In graduate school, differences between students and faculty pop up constantly, whether it's on authorship or theoretical perspectives or even whether a student is ready for an internship. But it is often difficult for students to raise concerns with those who have the power to evaluate their progress, determine when a dissertation is complete and write letters of recommendation for practica, internships and jobs, says Richard Heimberg, PhD, a psychology professor at Temple University in Philadelphia.
Despite this tension, a well-planned, thoughtful conversation about a trying situation has the potential to significantly improve students' experiences in graduate school — and also teach them invaluable professional skills, says Nadine Kaslow, PhD, a professor at Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta.
"Life is full of having difficult conversations, and it is good to get experience with them early in your career," says Kaslow, also a former president of APA. "Students should be treated fairly and with respect, and their views are really important."
And, she says, by speaking up, "they have a better chance of getting what they want and deserve."
Find support
In Julie's case, she decided to seek help outside of her department by contacting the university's director of student safety. This person suggested that she file a complaint with the school's department of equity, diversity and community relations. Once Julie did, the chair of the psychology department called for a meeting with Julie, her advisor and the junior faculty member. During the meeting, Julie asked that the faculty member recuse herself from certain positions of power, such as sitting on Julie's comprehensive exam board. The faculty member agreed.
"Through this experience, I learned that it's important to be brave about having these conversations because the situation was significantly affecting my graduate school experience," says Julie, who graduated on schedule in 2014. "I also learned that there are university resources available outside the department, and I felt very supported."
Have a plan
Graduate students may also encounter complicated situations in which the relationship with a mentor crosses into a dual relationship, such as a student who agrees to become an advisor's babysitter, Heimberg says. Now, the mentor and student are also relating as employer and employee. Initially, the agreement may be mutually beneficial if the student needs money and the advisor needs child care, but the added dimension of the relationship has potential to create problems, he says. Heimberg has seen cases when the babysitting requests start to interfere with a student's time for schoolwork and personal life, but he or she feels uncomfortable declining due to the power differential.
One strategy that increases the odds of having a successful, honest conversation is taking time to think about a positive solution, Kaslow says. Rather than focusing on the things that are not working, she encourages students to suggest an alternative arrangement. For example, a student who wishes to end a time-consuming babysitting situation could offer to orient a new babysitter to the job, Heimberg says.
"And practice these conversations before you have them," she says. "Role play it with a friend, and start by taking the other person's part."
That can give you the other person's perspective "and watching someone else play you may give you some excellent ideas about effective ways to proceed," she says.
Propose a memorandum of understanding
Another potential source of anxiety for students is their unmet expectations for mentors. This can be a particularly sensitive topic to broach, says Sue C. Jacobs, PhD, a counseling psychology professor at Oklahoma State University in Stillwater.
"What if your supervisor is psychoanalytic and you are cognitive, or you feel that the supervision is more beginning level and you are intermediate?" she says. "I've seen many cases in which students are afraid to talk to advisors when they feel that the advisor lacks competence in an area."
In some cases, it may be as simple as different beliefs on how frequently the advisor and student should meet. Mary Guerrant, a doctoral candidate at North Carolina State University, was in her first year of graduate school when she realized she needed to talk to her advisor about meeting more frequently.
"I came to graduate school straight out of undergraduate school, so there was a power differential in addition to an age and experience gap," she says. "But the more I avoided these conversations, the more I became hyper aware of that power differential, and the number of things I wanted to talk about started to accumulate."
She finally had the conversation, and was pleased with the result. Since then, she's learned to speak up earlier about a concern, and acknowledge in the beginning of the conversation that it is a difficult — but important — subject to discuss.
Guerrant is also a proponent of using a memoradum of understanding at the outset of a mentoring relationship. APA's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Graduate Student Mentoring Program adapted an MOU used by the Australian Clinical Psychology Association, and sent the document to all mentors and mentees in September.
"Participants who opt to use the MOU write down things like planned frequency of contact, three mentoring goals and preferred contact details," Guerrant says. "I think it helps people think more critically about these issues, and it gives them a way to hold each other accountable."
Pick your battles
While it is generally wise to address areas of conflict proactively rather than letting them fester, Leslie Jenkins, PhD, cautions students to be thoughtful about selecting topics for difficult conversations.
"It's really important to reflect on what the deal-breakers are for you when you start graduate school," says Jenkins, a psychologist with Home of the Innocents in Louisville, Kentucky. "I've learned to pick and choose my battles because it's not feasible to bring up everything I disagree with."
Jenkins was a third-year graduate student at Indiana University when she started to feel overwhelmed by the workload at a practicum site. She decided to speak to her supervisor because she was struggling to manage the long commute, consecutive hours without breaks and after-hours workload — and she felt she was compromising her ability to provide quality care.
The supervisor was unsympathetic, and Jenkins sought advice from the school's program director, who wrote a letter to the supervisor. Nothing changed, but Jenkins was hesitant about the repercussions of leaving a practicum site. Ultimately, she overcame her fear of being stigmatized and left the site. Before accepting a new role, she inquired about expectations for the job, and the conversation set a tone for open communication throughout her time there. Her decision was reinforced when she moved to the new site and had a positive experience.
Since then, she's continued to hone her skills in having difficult discussions as she has worked as a postdoc and an employee. Jenkins has learned to seek input first from former supervisors and colleagues, especially when emotions about the issue are intense. "I've gotten better at having these conversations over time," Jenkins says.
And looking back, she has no regrets about the difficult discussions she's had. While it may be uncomfortable to speak honestly with an advisor or supervisor, Jenkins says the long-term mental health benefits to herself and her clients far outweigh this temporary distress.
*This student prefers not to share her name.