Speaking of Psychology: The mental price of affluence, with Suniya Luthar, PhD

American teens from upper-middle class families are more likely to have higher rates of depression, anxiety and substance abuse than any other socioeconomic group of young people, says psychologist Suniya Luthar, PhD. In this episode, she talks about the pressures facing economically advantaged teens and what parents can do to keep them from spiraling out of control.

Suniya Luthar, PhDopens in new window, is a professor of psychology at Arizona State University. After receiving her PhD from Yale University in 1990, she served on the faculty of the department of psychiatry and the Child Study Center at Yale and was a professor at Columbia University’s Teachers College, where she also served as senior advisor to the provost. 

In addition to numerous peer-reviewed journal articles, Luthar has published several books. She has served as associate editor of the journals Developmental Psychology and Development and Psychopathology. She is a member of APA’s Committee on Socioeconomic Status and its Council of Representatives.

Audrey Hamilton: You may have heard that money can’t always buy happiness. Well, that’s especially true for children from affluent families who may feel pressure to succeed, get good grades and be model children. In this episode, we talk with one psychologist who is teaching her own children how to be happy without relying on money. I’m Audrey Hamilton and this is “Speaking of Psychology.”

Suniya Luthar is a psychology professor at Arizona State University. She has studied the vulnerability and resilience of youth in poverty and children and families affected by mental illness. Her most recent work has focused on children in affluent communities. Welcome, Dr. Luthar. 

Suniya Luthar: Ah, thank you for having me. 

Audrey Hamilton: Is depression very common among children from affluent families? You know, how do these depression rates compare to children from lower income families? 

Suniya Luthar: What we’ve found, Audrey, are rates of about one and a half to two and a half times as high as national normative samples of problems like depressive symptoms, anxiety symptoms and even higher rates of problems of substance use – that would be alcohol, marijuana and even hard drugs. 

Audrey Hamilton: Wow, so when you were studying this, was it a surprising finding to you? 

Suniya Luthar: Oh, it was awfully surprising. Actually, I’ve stumbled upon these findings quite by accident. My first study on upper middle class youth was conducted essentially to look for a comparison group for inner city kids, and while doing this comparison we found, much to my surprise, that the so-called “privileged” or “rich” kids were doing much more poorly – again, mostly on substance use, but also on depression and anxiety. So, that was way back in the late 90s and since then we’ve followed that trail and replicated these findings over and over again.   

Audrey Hamilton: What have you found to be the reason behind these high numbers? Can you describe the research a little bit more in detail in this area?  

Suniya Luthar: Yes. People have a tendency to say, “Oh, it’s the parents,” and I cannot think of something that is more misguided than to pick on either the parents or the schools. There is not a single unitary factor that will explain all of this. It is a problem that derives from multiple levels. Let’s start with just American society and what our values are. “More is better; go ahead;” the title of my last chapter: “I can, therefore I must” – if you can, therefore you must achieve more and move ahead.  So this starts at the level of society, then it goes into the schools, it goes into the universities. What is it that admissions people value in making the selections? It’s all about accomplishments and achievements. So the bottom line is it is not just the family, it is not just the child It is the culture we live in, the universities, the schools; everybody coming together to reinforce that one big message. If you can, therefore you must. Do not stop. 

So how does this relate to problems of depression, substance abuse? Pressure to achieve. You see, if your sense of self-worth gets tied into how much you can accomplish, two things happen. One is, if you don’t accomplish, you feel small, inadequate, lousy, what have you. And the other is, you live in a state of fear of not achieving. If I can tell myself I’m a good person because I’m a good mother, a good friend, that’s one thing. If I tell myself I’m a good person to the degree that I get that next grant or I get famous or I get these accolades, I’m living in fear. These are things that are not as much in my control as are things like being a good mother or being a good friend. So, living in this constant state of tension, fear – if I don’t achieve, who will I be? – is something that puts us in a state of anxiety and the failures and a state of depression. To medicate, to self-medicate these feelings of anxiety and depression unfortunately, a lot of our kids are turning to drugs and alcohol as are we, their parents. 

Audrey Hamilton: Is your advice that affluent parents simply lower the pressures they put on their children or how do they go about to balance the need for success versus mental health? 

Suniya Luthar: In terms of advice for parents, I’m thinking back on when we had first started doing in-depth research on families in poverty. Right? Now, mothers in poverty living in inner city areas where there’s a lot of violence and so on, they have to work extra hard to make sure that children do not hang out after dark in places that are dangerous. It almost becomes extra important for them to pay attention to this front. 

In much the same way, we parents in upper middle class societies have to work extra hard at ensuring that our children have a balanced value system. That they are not all about “Who can I be, how far can I go?” – at whatever cost. But, they’re equally, if not more invested in “How can I be a descent, kind person invested in the good of humanity and not just myself?” 

So, to summarize that, just as the inner-city parents must work extra hard to keep their children physically safe and out of trouble with gangs, we in upper middle class white collar families need to work extra hard to make sure our children do not get swept away in this feeling of “I must do more,” and stay grounded more in decency, kindness and true compassion, concern for humanity. 

Audrey Hamilton: And that, in turn, will affect their own well-being? 

Suniya Luthar: Absolutely. There are more and more studies now saying if you are, if you are good and compassionate and kind, that this helps your own well-being. Altruism helps you feel better about yourself. There are studies showing psychological well-being is better. There are physiological studies that show this. So yes, doing for others makes you feel good. Well, that’s one thing. 

Doing for others also, obviously, strengthens your connections with others. Just the sheer act of generosity or altruism is going to make you feel better, yourself. And the second thing is that you are going to strengthen your relationships with the people for whom you are doing good. They will appreciate it. And there is another stronger  link in your social network. 

Audrey Hamilton: What other behavioral and mental health problems do you see among children and parents of more privileged families? Anything beyond depression? Substance abuse? 

Suniya Luthar: Yes. If I were to go in order, the problems that we have seen among upper middle class kids is starting with alcohol and drug use, depression, anxiety. Now, here’s one that really startled me – high levels of rule breaking. Now we’re talking about random acts of delinquency. We’ve found levels are comparable actually to levels in inner city settings. The only difference is the inner city kids are doing things like carrying a gun or getting into a fight and so on, which could potentially be in self-protection, in gangs. 

Our upper middle class kids are doing things like stealing from a friend or stealing from a parent or defacing property – as I said, random acts of delinquency. And these rates are much higher – two to two and a half times high as average rates in America. 

Then, there is envy, particularly among our girls. Levels of envy of peers are much higher than we find among inner city girls or boys or upper middle class boys. For some reason, our girls are showing problems in multiple domains. So it’s not just the depression, the anxiety, the typically female problems, but also the more typically male problems of drug and alcohol use and rule breaking. It’s very troubling. 

“How can parents teach their kids to have this balanced values system?” And my answer, almost invariably is, you know what, we really can’t teach. What we have to do is model. So, I can tell my kids until the cows come home, listen be a good person. But, if I’m driving past people, cutting the grocery line, being inconsiderate to their teachers, to the household gardener, whatever, that’s what the children pick up. They don’t pick up what you say to them. They pick up what you do. 

The second thing is, we need to be very conscious about our own values. See, it’s very easy for us to say, “Now, I really want my child to be a good person.” But, take a step back and say if your child did not make the starters in the basketball team, if the child did not get into the advanced reading group, might you even with a slight raised eyebrow, a slight gesture, be conveying I’m disappointed? 

See, we fall into this trap without realizing it sometimes that we are conveying to them that – geez, it’s not quite as direct or blatant as saying, “Oh my god, you got five As, why the one B?” You can be much more subtle and say just, “That’s awful nice, and what did Jimmy get? How did he do?”

Audrey Hamilton: Giving off impressions of competition. 

Suniya Luthar: Exactly. That means in turn that we need to look deep within ourselves. Many of us in our upper middle class families, we are hard working, we’ve reached levels of professional accomplishment and so on, that mean a great deal to us. If I feel like my work, my career, brings me such enormous gratification, somewhere subconsciously or otherwise, I want my child to have a very successful career path too so that he or she can have the same gratification. 

That can lead us to again inadvertently doing and saying things that we don’t mean to. Yes, it’s lovely if my child has a PhD, but you know, there are other things in life. As I often tell young people, including my own children when they were applying to college, you’ll get an education. It’s alright. You’ll get an education. Life does not begin and end at being at the top. 

Audrey Hamilton: Great, well thank you Dr. Luthar. I appreciate you taking the time. 

Suniya Luthar: Thank you so much. It was my pleasure. Thank you so much. 

Audrey Hamilton: To listen to more podcast episodes, please visit our website. With the American Psychological Association’s “Speaking of Psychology,” I’m Audrey Hamilton.