James Garcia had been in his PhD psychology program at the University of North Texas for two years when fellow students told him he was coming across as arrogant.
Stunned and hurt, Garcia didn't know what to think. He knew he'd often talked about his appointment and work with a high-profile research team, but he hadn't felt like he was trying to show off his achievements — merely celebrate them, as he was used to doing with his family and community back home in Los Angeles, where he was the first person from his household to graduate middle school, let alone high school and college.
Then Garcia's advisor approached him with the same message. Garcia took stock, pulled back on talking about himself, and gradually came to a new understanding of humility and its importance.
"I became more aware of the privilege I hold [as a psychology graduate student], and this has caused me to be more humble about my accomplishments," he says. "And I realized I don't know everything … I can be completely wrong."
Learning how to talk about yourself and your successes without coming across as cocky or arrogant can be difficult, but it's an important skill to master, say researchers and career experts. Studiesopens in new window show that being humble helps you develop good relationships with others — nobody likes a braggart, after all. And it can enhance your ability to learn, to grow and to succeed as a psychologist.
It may also help you land and keep that important first job.
"It's often a very competitive job market for upcoming psychologists, and their lack of insight and introspection into how they are perceived by others can hold them back if they are seen as difficult to work with or only concerned about their own career and interests," cautions Aaron A. Harris, PhD, executive director of the Behavioral Health Center at the Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center and past co-chair of the APA Committee on Early Career Psychologists.
Humility has other advantages as well. People who are humble, open to new ideas and respectful of others' opinions are easier to work with in today's increasingly collaborative job environments, points out Eddy Ameen, PhD, director of APA's Office on Early Career Psychologists.
"Humility and collaboration go hand-in-hand," he says.
Indeed, the trend toward collaborative care in psychology means that humility on the part of clinicians is more important than ever, say Boston University researchers in a recent paper looking at the value of the trait for the profession (Journal of Spirituality in Mental Health, 2013). Clinicians need to be able to seek consultation and accept feedback, says lead researcher David R. Paine, PhD.
Other studies show that clients benefit, as well. Being humble has been found to help improve physician-patient communication and client perceptions of doctors' effectiveness (Patient Education and Counseling,opens in new window 2016). Therapists who demonstrate "cultural humility" — a focus on others rather than oneself, as well as a respect for clients' diverse backgrounds — are more likely to develop strong relationships with clientsopens in new window and to see better patient outcomes (Professional Psychology: Research and Practiceopens in new window, 2016).
What does it mean to be humble?
Psychologists Joseph Chancellor, PhD, and Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, proposed in a 2013 article that there are five hallmarks of humility: being secure in one's identity; being able to see oneself honestly, without distortion; being open to new information; being "other-focused" rather than self-focused; and having egalitarian beliefs (Social and Personality Psychology Compassopens in new window, 2013).
Being humble also doesn't require you to be meek, unassuming and unable to showcase your skills when appropriate, such as during job interviews (see the 2012 gradPSYCH article "First impressions").
Innocent Okozi, PhD, a psychologist and priest with the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland, Maine, has a favorite quote about humility, from C.S. Lewis: "True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."
In other words, says Okozi, students shouldn't see humility as "self-negation," but rather the opposite of narcissism.
But it can be a tricky line to walk. Do you come across as humble — or lacking self-assurance? Confident — or arrogant?
Justin Karr, a doctoral student in clinical neuropsychology at the University of Victoria, says students need to find a happy medium — something he has worked to achieve himself.
Karr says he was insecure and thus arrogant in high school and in his early undergraduate years, before realizing his mistake and doing a full 180, to the point where a supervisor told him, "You could probably toot your horn a little more on graduate applications and things like that."
Julia Benjamin, a doctoral student in counseling psychology at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, says she also has "fallen too far on the side of not owning my accomplishments as much as I should," such as in interviews.
She thinks this is partly due to her personality and partly from being raised in the Midwest, where she says there is a reluctance to display accomplishments for "fear of being seen as vain."
Gender norms also can play a role, she says. Women who display the same level of self-confidence as men may be perceived as being too aggressive.
Humility can also be seen differently by different cultures, races and ethnicities.
Garcia, for example, is a Latino from a disadvantaged background. In his multiethnic community, academic achievements are highly celebrated. At school, where most of the students were white, he found himself in a culture where people weren't expected to talk up their accomplishments in the same way.
Le Ondra Clark Harvey, PhD, had a similar experience. Harvey, who is co-chair of the APA Committee on Early Career Psychologists, grew up in California, where she was used to excitedly talking about her academic and athletic accomplishments. Then she went to graduate school in Wisconsin and quickly learned that her enthusiasm came across as boasting.
Clark Harvey realized she had to show her classmates that she did have a sensitive, humble side. She learned a new set of communication skills, which she says have served her well in her career as chief policy consultant to the California State Assembly Committee on Business and Professions. In this job, she is not front and center, but rather, she says, "in the background representing powerful people and their interests." This means she often has to relay her bosses' positions to a wide variety of people, from constituents who may not understand the legislative process to lobbyists and other legislators.
"I'm very careful because I come across people from all walks of life and I have to communicate a message or position in a way that people can hear it and receive it," she says. She does frequent "self-checks and reflection" to make sure she is avoiding self-promotion and staying focused on her goals for each encounter.
Learning to be humble
Some people are naturally more humble than others, but that doesn't mean humility can't be taught. Here are some steps to take to enhance your humility.
Use care when talking about achievements. In general, frame successes modestly.
"I think you can say, ‘Hey, I'm really proud of myself, I did this,'" says Farzana Saleem, a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology at George Washington University. But, she advises, do so with a sense of gratitude ("I'm so fortunate!") rather than a sense of entitlement ("I deserved this!").
Garcia says he realizes now that he bragged to overcome feelings of inadequacy — to fend off stereotyped expectations he believed others might hold about him due to his Latino heritage.
But there can be good reasons to talk about things you've accomplished, so long as you avoid boasting.
For example, says Karr, if a fellow student is considering applying for an award you've received in the past, you can give advice for how to win it.
Job applications, interviews and networking at conferences are other places where it's OK to talk about your accomplishments, says Nabil El-Ghoroury, PhD, APAGS associate executive director.
Seek advice from friends and mentors. Ask trusted friends or advisors how you come across day to day, and review your application letters to see if you are bragging too much — maybe to the point of overinflating what you actually did, failing to credit teammates or in other ways using over-the-top language.
If you are a braggart, be ready for some potentially harsh feedback, cautions Ameen. "When friends tell you that your brag was annoying, they think you have the ego strength to handle some teasing."
Approach social media with caution. Karr has seen students post transcripts showing their straight As on Facebook. (Don't do this.)
Another no-no: the "humblebrag" — the boast sandwiched between self-deprecating comments ("Whoa! I can't believe I got accepted to the top research team on campus after messing up my interview!"). This is perceived as false modesty, and is a turnoff, Karr says.
Before posting something on social media, figure out what your goal really is. Karr says he's found that if he only wants his 30 closest friends and family to know about an achievement, he will tell them personally, rather than broadcast the news on Facebook.
Others say it's OK to post successes on social media, as long as you're judicious about it — just a few highlights now and then, rather than an endless parade, and accompanied by thanks for those who helped you.
Reflect on your actions. Clark Harvey says she frequently checks herself to see if she might be coming across in nonhumble ways, such as by dominating conversations.
Forgive yourself for slips. Humility requires constant practice, says Karr.
"To this day and for the rest of my life, I will say things that are arrogant and I will behave arrogantly — I will slip up. But it's not the end of the world."
Instead, he says, "the value is in accepting those mistakes and continuing to do your best to maintain confidence — and to keep being humble."
