When asked whether family dinner is important, more than 90% of parents say yes. But fewer than half of American families will have dinner together tonight, says Anne Fishel, PhD, a family therapist at Massachusetts General Hospital and an associate professor of clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School (Neumark-Sztainer, D., et al., Public Health Nutritionopens in new window, Vol. 13, No. 7, 2010).
Armed with the knowledge that regular family dinners provide a host of physical, cognitive and relational benefits to children and families, Fishel set out to narrow this gap. In 2010, she teamed up with a diverse group with expertise in education, food, design, conflict resolution and marketing to launch the nonprofit The Family Dinner Projectopens in new window. The movement, which has already reached thousands of families in person and more than 1 million people online, aims to help families incorporate dinner—and all its benefits—into their daily routines.
“In 21st-century America, mealtime is really the most reliable time we have to connect with one another,” she says.
The Family Dinner Project provides families with recipes, games and conversation topics to use at the dinner table, with the goal of creating a fun and inviting environment for children. Fishel also wrote “Home for Dinneropens in new window: Mixing Food, Fun, and Conversation for a Happier Family and Healthier Kids,” a book for parents that discusses the science behind family dinners and provides advice on making mealtimes enjoyable.
Fishel spoke to the Monitor about The Family Dinner Project.
What does research tell us about the benefits of family dinners?
Research shows that regular family dinners are great for the body, the brain and the spirit. Starting with the body, home-cooked meals tend to be lower in calories, fat, sugar and salt and to be more packed with vegetables, fruits, fiber, protein and vitamins than the equivalent restaurant meals. For children and teenagers who eat family dinners, this translates into better cardiovascular health—including lower systolic blood pressure and total cholesterol—as well as lower obesity rates and even a reduction in asthma symptoms.
On the cognitive side, young children tend to hear more unusual words at the dinner table than when reading children’s books, so having dinner with an adult is a great vocabulary booster. Many studies also suggest that having regular family dinners is a better predictor of academic achievement than doing homework or engaging in art or sports.
The mental health benefits are just a bonanza. Regular family dinners are associated with less depression and anxiety, lower rates of substance and tobacco use, lower rates of early teenage pregnancy and fewer behavioral problems at school. For example, one study found that compared with adolescents who rarely ate dinner with their families, those who had regular family dinners were about half as likely to use substances, experience depression or engage in violence. Family dinners are also associated with kids feeling more connected to their parents and more resilient.
It’s important to note that the “secret sauce” that drives these cognitive and behavioral benefits is not the food itself, but the warm and inviting atmosphere at the table. If a parent is intoxicated or if there’s a lot of conflict and yelling at the table, these benefits are essentially null and void.
How does The Family Dinner Project help parents incorporate family dinners into their daily routines?
The project is a nonprofit initiative that champions family dinner as an opportunity for families to connect through food, fun and conversation about things that matter. We offer free online resources, including a four-week introductory program, a monthly newsletter featuring stories from real families and a daily “dinner tonight” offering, which includes a simple recipe, a game to play at the table and a conversation starter [see The Family Dinner Projectopens in new window].
We also host community dinners at schools, clinics, homeless shelters, military bases and libraries. We bring together up to 20 families to cook, eat, talk and play together, and we use this opportunity to ask parents about their challenges around family dinner and to brainstorm solutions. It can often jump-start the dinner practice because parents see firsthand how much their kids enjoy eating together and they have some new ideas for making dinner more fun and interesting.
We also hold workshops where we train other nonprofits to work with families in their own communities, including No Kid Hungryopens in new window, a national campaign to end childhood hunger, and the Mayo Clinic’s Center for Innovationopens in new window, where medical professionals focus on helping patients lead healthier lives.
Why is having regular family dinners so difficult for many families, and what solutions have been effective?
No matter which families I talk to, regardless of economic background or geographic location, the same challenges arise over and over again. The No. 1 complaint is time and scheduling—families are overscheduled, especially lower-income families where parents may be working multiple jobs. Other issues include picky or selective eaters, too much conflict or restlessness at the table, and the cost and effort of purchasing and cooking healthy food.
Regarding the obstacle of time, we remind families that there are 16 times during the course of the week to have a meal together: seven breakfasts, seven dinners and two weekend lunches. If dinner isn’t convenient for a family, breakfast or an intentional late-night snack are good alternatives.
Other ideas we’ve heard include making a double or triple batch of food over the weekend, taking shortcuts like buying a roasted chicken or precut vegetables and making breakfast or lunch foods for dinner. It also helps when parents can give up the idea that a meal needs to be gourmet, organic or fancy, because spending quality time together is what’s important.
What dinnertime activities and conversation topics do you recommend and why?
Food may be what brings people to the table, but it’s the fun and conversation that makes them want to stay there—and research tells us that this atmosphere is what drives all the benefits of family dinners for children. But most of the existing resources around family dinner only provide recipes, which seemed like a wasted opportunity.
On our website and at community dinners, we now suggest dozens of games tailored for various age groups, many derived from family therapy activities. For example, in “Two Truths and a Tall Tale,” each person at the table shares one fictional and two real events that occurred during their day, and everyone else tries to guess which event was invented. It’s a nice variation on the tedious “How was your day?” question.
Another game I like is “Family Memory 20 Questions,” where each person thinks of a family memory and everybody else tries to guess it by asking yes or no questions. This gives parents an opportunity to find out what their kids are thinking about and to remind children of important memories that they want to reinforce.
As for conversation topics, we have hundreds of ideas for kids of all ages. These range from silly questions—for instance, “If people count sheep to get to sleep, what do sheep count?”—to more serious ones. A parent might ask a 6-year-old, “How do you know when you can trust another person?” or ask a teenager, “How does social media affect your relationships with others?”
What’s next for The Family Dinner Project?
As of July 1, the Psychiatry Academy at Mass General Hospital became the new home of The Family Dinner Project. I’m hoping this will be an opportunity to get pediatricians involved, even just by adding a question about family dinner to annual screening questionnaires. Looking forward, strengthening our partnerships with health professionals can help amplify our impact.
I also want to deepen our work with families who are economically disadvantaged. In the past 15 years, there’s been a widening economic gap, where high-income families are having more family dinners and low-income families are having fewer.
I’m particularly excited about two ongoing projects—one with grandparents raising grandchildren, the other with the AmeriCorps VISTA program through No Kid Hungry in Montanaopens in new window—both of which we’re hoping to expand to several other states in 2019.
